Not my fish

 

 First dates are painfully awkward.

  I think we can all agree on that. I've been trying online dating lately, and that can make the dating process even more awkward when you finally do decide to dive into the next step and meet up in person. To be honest, the date was fine. No horror stories or hilariously embarrassing moments came out of it. He was kind, gentlemanly, opened doors for me, and bought my dinner and movie ticket. He is a good looking guy too. Even though he had so many good things going for him on our date, the entire time, I couldn't help but think about how I just wasn't into him. To be honest, I don't really know what he could have done to make me like him. It just wasn't there.

But isn't that the point of dating?

I've spent the past day listening to people lecture me on how ridiculous I am being for "giving up" after the first date. "You can't possibly know by just meeting him one time!" "You have to go on at least two dates!" "It's not fair to give up on someone so soon!" The list goes on.... Okay, but what about all the stuff that the same exact people feed me like: "When you know, you know..." or "It was love at first sight!" It all seems sort of contradictory to me.

They could tell me this till they're blue in the face, but it's not going to change my mind. I don't believe in either concept, to be honest. But, what I do believe in is attraction and compatibility.  The purpose of going on dates is to determine if you have chemistry with someone. I think the first date is especially important when it comes to an online dating situation. Everything can seem great on paper, they may have a lot of good things going for them, and it may really seem that you are compatible with them... until you meet in person.

This guy I met on online dating was nice and I did enjoy messaging back and forth with him. We even video chatted for 2 1/2 hours before our official date. He had a lot of stuff I was looking for and even a few added bonuses: leadership, determined, family oriented, good looking, serious christian, etc.... He seemed like a good, sensible guy and so I was willing to give him a shot. I honestly thought that I was going to like him. I think the major motivational factor in going on a date with him was to push myself to get back out there and give someone a chance. 

We sat at dinner and talked for a while and then walked around the mall for a while more before the movie. It just didn't click. I wasn't expecting fireworks, but there wasn't even the slightest hint of a spark. I found myself just wanting to get the date over with, not because anything bad was happening, but because I just knew that I wasn't feeling it. I honestly have felt more chemistry with some of the guys who I have rung out at work, or shook hands with in church. 

The thing is, you either have that "thing", or you don't. 

I'm not talking deeply emotional soul mate stuff, I'm just talking initial attraction. Being with him in person made me realize that I could just never see myself with him. I couldn't picture myself ever wanting to cuddle with, kiss him, or hold his hand. I think that is an important thing to feel when you are looking to date someone. 

My point is, there have been guys that I would consider less attractive than him, that I did want to kiss. And I've been on some really awkward/embarrassing dates where I still felt that click regardless of the circumstances. Sometimes I see my very attractive friends who are so in love with their significant others, but I don't find their men attractive and they don't seem all that fun. They see something in them that I can't. One of the little things that sort of got under my skin on my date was the fact that he wore this silly old man golfer hat the ENTIRE date. I didn't like his hat, but chances are, some girl is going to fall in love with him and his silly old man hat. And that's perfectly okay.

There is no logic behind chemistry and attraction. It happens in the most unconventional way and it catches people off guard. I think that is the beauty of the whole thing. The thrill of defying logic and making something work when it, at times, seems unlikely. My main point is this: don't get caught up in trying to make it work with the wrong person just because it seems like the logical thing to do.

Just because they are really great, maybe even a "prize" fish, doesn't mean that they are your type of fish. 

There are lots of fish in the sea and so that means that we can hook some, but we also need to be willing to throw some back. Don't listen to others' judgements and don't make yourself feel bad for turning down what others think is the right choice. Do what is right for you and one of these days you might find that you hook one and never want to let them go.