"You're going to be single forever."
I hear this phrase come out of people's mouths a lot...
I am a completely happy 24 year old single woman.
Don't get me wrong, I LOVE being single... But just because I am enjoying my life no matter what the circumstances, doesn't mean that I want to be single forever. I think that sometimes because I am so independent, people automatically assume that I don't want a relationship. That's not that case at all. I would welcome a healthy relationship with open arms if it came my way. The thing is, relationships can be hard to come by, and healthy relationships are even more difficult to find. There are decent men out there, but it seems you have to sift through a plethora of bad ones to find a good one. Even if you do find a good one, it doesn't necessarily mean that the two of you are compatible. To be honest, I would rather hold out for something good, than settle for something sub-par, even if that means waiting longer than "average".
Because of my propensity towards singleness, I think people have begun to jump to conclusions about my life. They either A: Assume that I want to be single forever; or B: Assume that I have been single for so long because of something I'm doing wrong.
I've heard all sorts of lovely advice from all kinds of people. I know people mean well, but they have no clue just how callous it can come off.
"If you don't change _____ you're going
to be single forever"
"How are you ever going to find a man when you keep such a busy schedule?"
"If you keep that kind of attitude, you're
never going to get married"
"If you ever want to fall in love, you're going
to have to learn to be more vulnerable."
"You're just too picky. If you don't lower your standards you're going to be single forever."
"You need to put yourself out there more."
"If you don't learn to trust people,
you're going to be single forever."
"You're never going to find a man
if you keep that up."
"You would think that by your age you would be in
more of a hurry to find a man."
I know sometimes people have good intentions by throwing their "advice" out there, or they may just be trying to make a joke, but telling a woman that she is going to be single forever is just a bad thing to say. I seriously wish I had a dollar for every time i've been told that in my young/mid 20's.
The thing is, words like that have resonance.
It's psychologically proven that if you tell a person something about themselves enough times, even if they know it's not true, they may actually start to believe it. You could have a very beautiful woman standing in a room in front of a group of people, and if they all told her that she was ugly, she would probably start second guessing how people perceived her outward appearance.
All of the things I have listed above have been said to me at some point in time.
Although I tend to have a tough outer shell and don't like to show people my weaknesses very often, I'm actually pretty insecure. I don't need people telling me all the reasons why I can't seem to find a man. You don't think that I haven't already fed myself those lies at some given point in time?
We can sort of control the path our life goes down,
but only to a certain degree.
I could have been the person that met my highschool sweetheart at age 17 and stuck with them, but my life's circumstances didn't turn out that way. We are all going to go down different paths, and we are all going to have "milestones" at different times.
There is no right or wrong time to fall in love and get married. I think a lot of times our society pushes too much for people to find the "love of their life" and get married before 30. It's as if there is some invisible expiration date stamped on every woman's forehead, "Best if used before age 30". Well let me tell you, it is not a race! Sometimes really great people don't find that right relationship for a very long time, and it has nothing to do with their character or actions. I'm convinced that the right guy hasn't come along for me yet either. One day someone will notice this diamond in the rough! ;)
What if we started being more considerate of people's feelings and started building them up instead of tearing them down? We should start telling single women all of the things that make them beautiful inside and out, instead of telling them what they need to fix to become worthy of a man. It is all a matter of perspective. Love can just be an added bonus to an already fulfilling life. So all in all, don't get caught up in the race and lose yourself along the way. Love may come tomorrow, or it may come 20 years down the line; either way, the quality of love can be the same. And remember, we are all valuable human beings with purpose, with or without a relationship.
